Thursday, December 18, 2008


Hey out there! So, I said I'd be doing a lot of blogging while I was stuck on campus for a week. Yeah, that hasn't really been working out too well. I'm doing fine, actually. I've been enjoying the down time and I've even gotten a little reading done (hopefully Kim will be gone from that reading list by January). Granted, things are a little dull and they can tend to get lonely, but I'm doing okay, all things considered. I just haven't had many mind-blowing thoughts concerning my walk with the Lord.

Sure, I sometimes come across things that bug me, like the fact that I don't get as excited for Christ as I do for random, trivial stuff (like my favorite TV shows, or a good book, for instance). But then I'm encouraged because the fact that those things bug me kind of shows me that my heart, though very slowly and surely, is changing. It still has a long way to go, of course. I still struggle with many things that guys my age (or of any age, I suppose) struggle with, but the fact that I'm growing ever more aware of my faults and my sins does kind of give me some strength, even though the process of realizing you're more broken than you previously thought can be taxing at times.

There also isn't too much going on in the blogosphere to talk about. Justin Taylor of Between Two Worlds recently posted a link to an article Mike Ensley wrote for Focus on the Family's Boundless web magazine. Mike Ensley is a nice guy, even though we've locked horns in the past over certain things, but he's pretty much dead-on in that article, and the comment thread after Justin's post is interesting, with some people somewhat denying that the church has any responsibility in being welcoming to GLBT people, or that it's doing well enough already (my response to that is a very sassy eyeroll, to be sure). One of the commenters, "InAwe," left a pretty awesome comment about how Christians struggling with their sexuality are often left out, and it was, honestly, a little scary for me, though very heartfelt and honest.

I have a church, but I'm not out to anyone who isn't my age there. There's a reason for that. You may be a part of that rare awesome church that's going to handle this issue well, or you may be a part of the kind of church that will feign openness while subtly excluding you, or you may be a part of the kind of church that will be extremely condescending and unhelpful. The catch is, you often don't know until after you've "come out," and then it's too late. That actually reminds me of a quote from Sunday's finale of Survivor: Gabon (which was awesome, by the way, even though my girl Susie only got second place), where one of the contestants mentioned how trusting someone in the game is always dangerous, because you only figure out that they were, indeed, untrustworthy when your butt is kicked off the island. It's sad when I can compare my idea of the church with a game show based on deceit and ruthless cunning, isn't it?

Rachael Starke is blogging about this from the other end, as a member of the church who wants to effectively reach out to those of us who struggle with homosexuality. I suppose openness just isn't a struggle for us, but it does seem to be a little more difficult due to all the cultural controversy surrounding this subject. The thing is, I'm pretty much open to people on campus, and I'm introverted enough that I can't really tell if I'm being excluded from anything or not, since I'd probably say "no" to a lot of activities anyway (and people pick up on that). I'm just wondering what will happen when I'm out of school, living on my own, and part of a church. It's a little daunting, and a little scary, and I just want to make sure that my weeks aren't as dull as this one has been.

Wow. I didn't mean to ramble that much. I guess there is more going on than I thought. The "crickets" I'm hearing around my apartment aren't taking up residence in my head, I suppose.

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