Well, It's Done

As some of you already may know, Hitch and I ended our relationship the other day. It was just shy of six-months long (and trust me, that feels weird, because I didn't know time could move by so quickly!) The details of the break-up aren't really important. The good thing to know is that it went smoothly and it was (more or less) a mutual decision. I knew for a long time (possibly since from the beginning) that the relationship wouldn't last through the end of the year, and I certainly knew that it was a temporary matter.

I had some time to process some emotions before we were officially broken up, and that was good for me. I know a lot of people didn't see a point to our relationship. It was temporary, we both had two different opinions about Godly sexuality, and on those terms we really couldn't work together no matter how well we got along. We did get along well, though. In six months, I can't imagine one time we had an argument. I always wanted to see him when I saw him, and I think the same worked in reverse. I can't think of a single moment where being with him didn't comfort me and bring a smile to my face. In his own words, we had a perfect relationship. It was just doomed. That didn't stop us from enjoying it while it lasted.

Though there were many mistakes and moments of weakness in the context of the relationship (I've written about them before), I can't say that I totally regret it. I really don't. I certainly regret any sins that I committed during the relationship (just like I regret the many sins that I commit daily, from unkindness to laziness), but I also got some Christward things out of it. Hitch taught me that I can be loved and wanted. He helped boost my self-confidence (as any good friend should do), and also allowed me to be a little more emotionally close to someone and vulnerable for one. I usually put on a tough front because I want to seem perfectly okay for everyone. He allowed me to be a little more human, and I'm gonna take that lesson with me to my other friendships.

Also, I don't think I've prayed for another person as much as Hitch. He is a Christian, I know that now. I think (or hope) that being with me helped him strengthen relationship with God, even if he didn't come to the same conclusions about sexuality that I have. He's still going to Mass on Sundays, as far as I know. It's an amazing feeling to pray for someone else's relationship. I can only wish that Hitch eventually has the same relationship with God that I do.

So, the relationship helped me break out of my shell and strengthened my complete dependence on Christ. I had a lot of good memories and - even in the bad times - I think I pulled through okay. Still, it sucks for it to be over. It's a lot like grief. There's nothing I could do to stop it, I had come to terms with it long before the end came, and yet I still feel an amazing amount of hurt and loss. There are things about the relationship that I know I won't ever have again, even if Hitch and I remain friends (which I think we will, once we have time to cool down). For Hitch, he will eventually date again. I doubt I will, though. Men as patient and understanding as Hitch are hard to come by, and it requires one like that to have a relationship with me. Trust me. ;-)

Now I can focus on Christ more fully. I really am thankful for every second of the relationship and that it ended in a way that I can be proud of. I didn't compromise who I was or what Christ has done for me, and I was never asked to. Hitch and I parted with a deep hug and kisses on the cheek. Hopefully he'll still remain a part of my life and I can continue to support him as he grows in his own understanding of Christ, even if it is different from my own.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers. I love you guys. :-)