Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Well hey, everyone! Happy New Year! I'm back at school, and you know the drill. That means I'm back on a high-speed connection, and thus, back to blogging! I have plenty of things to talk about, but it is New Year's Day, so I guess I'll just do a standard here's what I hope happens in 2009 post and I'll focus on all the other things I have to talk about later on (I make it sound like a lot, but there's only one or two posts on the back-burner right now; for a spontaneous person like me, that's a lot, though).

First, I'm hoping that I'm not buried by my schoolwork this year. I (perhaps unwisely) signed up for all English and Creative Writing courses. That means I'll be reading, writing, reading some more, and writing some more all the way to the Spring. Huzzah, I say. I'm actually looking forward to it, because all of the classes are of interest to me and that hasn't happened in my college career yet. It's just going to be a lot of work, and added onto all the other things I tend to do, I think I could get stressed out easily. I'm just praying that I'll be able to manage my time in ways that keep me sane.

I'm also hoping to be more physically fit this year. That's obligatory when it comes to New Year's resolutions, isn't it? I'm not necessarily unfit right now but I don't work out as much as I did in high school (actually, I didn't really work out at all these past few months, which sucks). Not being on a team is probably the biggest factor. When I was in high school, I had to work out. I had to practice if I wanted to better myself for competition, and also to motivate my teammates by setting a good example when I was team captain. Now, I don't have any of that motivation. I'm not an athlete anymore, and I don't have anyone to motivate except for myself.

I also want to blog more. Yes, I say that every year, but I think I'll have a lot more to say this year. I'm certainly growing in my strength and confidence as a Christian man, yet at the same time every step I take in my journey reveals a new set of weaknesses and struggles to overcome. I can't really understate the role blogging has had in helping me simply talk these things out. I know not everyone who reads this is a Christian, and I know even the ones who are don't necessarily agree with me about everything, nor do you all necessarily have the same struggles or life experiences. That's kind of how the world works, though, and the point is I can't learn from people who are just like me. By interacting with others, even people with whom I heartily disagree, I kind of become more firm in my own beliefs.

In terms of the very specific struggle that I have with homosexuality, I'm actually hoping that takes a bit of a back seat this year. I realize that I'll probably be just as attracted to men a year from now as I am now, so I don't mean that I'm hoping to be magically hetero all of a sudden. I just mean that I kind of hope it's on my mind less. In 2007 I was still a Freshman, and the experiences of first "coming out" and actually getting to meet gay people were still very new to me, as was my involvement online and my understanding of all the different perspectives in the ex-gay/gay Christian world. Then in 2008 the year was mostly defined by me unwisely having a boyfriend, then us thankfully having a very amicable break-up, and then me taking way longer than I expected to get over him, until finally coming to a place where I'm at peace with that whole situation and have a respectful friendship with him.

And now, for 2009, I really don't know what's going to go on in the homo department. I've had a relationship, which is what I said I wanted for the longest time, so that experience is under my belt (for better or for worse), and I don't really see it happening again. I'm pretty solid in my beliefs concerning homosexuality, and in my Christian beliefs in general. This is really the first year where it feels like the foundation is set, and I just get to move forward with my life. So I don't really know what I'll be writing about concerning that issue. I guess if anything comes up, it will be concerning what I'm seeing in the news, or what's making waves in the Christian community concerning this issue. Otherwise, I think I'll just try to blog more about my experiences as, well, an ordinary Christian college guy.

But don't worry; I'm sure there will be plenty of queer stuff, too. In fact, I think the next two posts I have ready are both pretty ex-gay related. So much for New Year's resolutions. I hope everyone has a blessed 2009!

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