Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Girls, Girls, Girls

Hey everybody! Sorry for the lack of posting recently. It's been an...interesting...few days. I won't go into the details, but I will say that I have definitely felt (and seen) the power of God's grace over the the past weekend, in more instances than one. Maybe it's just because I'm looking for it more. Who knows? Either way, I'm feeling good.

In a comment to the last post, Einy raised an interesting question, the answer of which will be the subject of this post. Here's the question:

"Oh - I would be really interested in you writing a post about how you look at girls, as well, think about them, etc. Their beauty, their bodies, their femininity, stuff like that. I'm interested because I'm trying to find out how a self-identified gay guy thinks about girls. Has there ever been any sexual thoughts at all?"

That's certainly a valid question. I don't know if my views on women are representative of all gay men, but I'll give it a shot. For starters, I am not repulsed by the female body. In fact, I find it very beautiful, just in a non-sexual sort of way. I mean, a lovely lady can turn my head just as much as it will a straight guy's. However, there is a difference. While a straight guy might be focusing on her, um, assets, I'll probably be more impressed with the way she carries herself. I love to observe women that are smartly dressed, confident, poised, etc.

I like seeing girls that are in charge, but who are also feminine (in terms of dress, hair, etc.) I don't think this is rare for gay men. Why do you think so many are involved in fashion/hair/makeup? I know, that's a stereotype, but I can relate. I like seeing a girl who's looking good. But, alas, there is no chemical reaction. It's all psychological, you know? I mean, I see a girl that's owning the room and I say "She is hot" but my body doesn't react at all. I've tried forcing myself to imagine sex with a girl, but it just doesn't work--to be frank, it's a turn-off.

With guys, it's the exact opposite. My reaction is nearly all chemical, with very little reasoning behind it. Although I have to admit there is some--I'm attracted to guys who are traditionally masculine, but are also playful, funny, and laid-back. I don't necessarily like a take-charge, tough guy. That's strange, isn't it? My ideal male seems to be the opposite of my ideal female. Hmmm, never thought about that before...

Anyway, as far as connecting with women, I've always been able to do it rather easily. It's not to the point where you could say I'm "one of the girls," but I certainly don't mind listening to a girl talk about her day, and I'm not afraid to engage in talks about emotions, relationships, etc. I think this is a trait that I want to keep.

Well, hope that answers your question, Einy. If there's something in specific you (or anyone) want to know, just ask me in the comments. Have a good night, everyone!


einy said...

Thanks Jay! My reason for asking was to a certain extent to compare with my own emotions and reactions towards women.

We seem to have a lot in common, espescially that bit about connecting with women, although not entirely, I don't know... One difference would be in the attraction part. I do get turned on by women, to a smaller or larger extent. But it seems to happen much easier the less I know a girl, for instance (and then gets easier again if I know her realy well, and know that she likes me). It's easiest if I just watch a beautiful chick in a movie or something.

I guess it's kinda more difficult in reality because you get all the extra stuff, not just the beautiful and happy girl fantasy that you can dream about, It becomes more of an emotional thing as well, you have to be in the situation yourself, not as a fantasy figure, but as a real man. This is where I start struggling a bit. How I feel in that 'role' comes into play, and if I don't feel like I'm enough for her or whatever, it's a bit of a turn off for me. I guess I'm just not that naturally self confident in my masculinity. Maybe it's a perfection thing, having to feel that he girl is happy being with me. before I'm able to really enjoy kissing or whatever.

So that was my attempt at talking openly about this stuff. I won't say much about my gay side as for know, but that's more emotional than physical, I think. Although I do find guys to be good looking, and I do get the ocassional sexual thought, it's more to do with their confidence, their masculinity, feeling protected, stuff like that. But my gut reaction is that for me, the ideal is to be able to feel confident enough as a man, with a woman, so that I'll feel like I can be the MAN for her, protect her, whatever. Women have this radiant beauty about them (physically and emotionally) when you know that their happy because you're with them.

I imagine my thoughts do not represent those of a typical gay guy. And like I said, maybe you and me are not in the same place when it comes to ssa.

I guess, since you told me to ask about specifics, it would be if you could relate to what I said about a difference between reality and fantasy. Would there be any difference between a beautiful girl that was your friend (reality), and a beautiful girl in a movie (fantasy). I find it particularly interesting that it's easier for me to fantasize if I watch a movie where I can place myself in the shoes of the guy who's checking the girl, so to speak. Would this help you at all? Or is it just that the female bits and bobs doesn't do anything for you, sexually, no matter how you see it?

Einy (sorry to kidnap your blog with these questions ;) )

Jay said...

EINY: I don't mind you "kidnapping" the blog at all. I think I will answer your questions in an e-mail, though, not in the comments, if that's all right with you. You can e-mail me with your address at jholloman1988@yahoo.com.

Irrational Entity said...

I usually describe my romantic feelings to the opposite sex as apathy. No disgust intrudes; I simply do not have any attraction to women.

Jay said...

IRRATIONAL: Same here. No disgust involved, just no reaction. The only reason it's not completely apathetic for me is because I've tried to find ways that women can be attractive to me. It hasn't really worked, but like I said, I do have appreciation for the female form.