Monday, November 26, 2007

Well, It Happened!

Well, Thanksgiving Break was a nice time for me. I got to see my family, some friends, and eat a lot of good food. It really was a blessing to be around all the people I love, but that's not what this post is about, and I'm sure you guys know that.

Over break I found an opportunity to finally come out to my parents. I was nervous as heck about it and had to pray a lot beforehand. I also had some friends who knew I was about to go in for the kill and they prayed along with me. They know who they are, and if they're reading this, thanks again guys! You're a blessing.

I won't go into all the details, mainly because I'm sure a lot of the conversation (which lasted for four hours) is something that many of you have heard before. Yes, there was a bit of denial going on with my folks. Remember, they're in their mid-60s, and they're a little naive about what "gay" even means. They went from thinking that I simply was reacting against bad experiences with girls (experiences that I tried to stress were bad because I was gay), to thinking that I simply had not met the right girl, to thinking that I had been influenced or indoctrinated into thinking I was gay. I suppose those reactions happen even with the most liberal parents. I'll admit it hurt a bit, but other than that the tone of the conversation was pretty mild, like any of our other arguments about politics, religion, or philosophy.

I had started by telling my parents that I was celibate. Then I told them I was gay, then I told them about my boyfriend. It was probably a little too much to take in for one night, but I was just so excited to get things off my chest that I probably wasn't thinking too clearly. The good part is they understand and accept my celibacy. They also think that everyone is somewhat bisexual (remember, they're hippies), and that I'm too young to say I'm "one way or the other." I'll give them that, though I will say that some people are more bisexual than others. ;-)

At the very least, there was hugging and many repetitions of the phrase "I love you." There was even an unexpected high-five from my mom when I told her some of the compliments that Hitch has given me. I have a feeling high-fives don't happen often in coming out stories. The day after we went to church and visited my grandma and life went on like normal. I understand that everything takes time and eventually my parents will understand who I am a bit more. Right now they don't, but that's okay. They don't have to understand completely. In fact, it would be nearly impossible for them to understand completely. They are my parents, and they are there to love me. They still do, and they stressed that. I will always have a place in our family, no matter what. I'm so grateful for that. After all, home isn't the place where you are the most understood or even the most loved. It's the place where, if you have to go there, they have to take you in. I'm still fortunate to know that I have a home.

Also, now that my parents know of my sexual preferences they just might look at my Internet history. If they do, they might see this blog (and if you're reading this, hi guys!) So, if I go offline or something, you'll know why. I'm seriously not expecting that to happen, though. Do remember that I maintain two blogs with the exact same content, though. Happy trails!


kurt_t said...

So when do they get to meet Hitch?

Silus Grok said...


PSUdain said...

Congratulations. Good to hear that it went well; it's a pretty difficult thing to do.

And it can be a hard to listen to, too. My mom's still having a little trouble with some things, or so it seems. My dad has taken it really well, though. Take time to keep talking to them about it, now and again; it's important. That's a mistake that I think I made and it made life harder on me, overall.

MR said...

Honesty is worth it in the long run, even if your parents don't fully understand. I will just summarize my story by saying that my parents never fully "got it" even years later, but it is still good that I said something.

Norm! said...

Wow, considering the lengthly internal struggle many of us go through, I think your parents are doing great.

A high-five is certainly a unique reaction to the typical coming-out story.

High-five! LOL!

Pomoprophet said...

good for you for finally telling them. I know thats a weight off of your shoulders. And maybe now even some different sort of weight added on. I know it was that way for me.

And dont even talk about leaving this blog. You know thats not gonna happen!

grace brother!

Brady said...

Congratulations, Jay. I'm really excited for you, and I hope things continue to go well.

It sounds like you're giving your parents exactly what they need right now--time to digest. Hey, it took you 19 years to come out (20?--ok so maybe you haven't been wanting to come out for 20 years, but still, you get the idea), but giving them at least some time is a good idea--it's done wonders for my dad.

Anyway, congratulations again. I'm really excited for you.

Jay said...

Thanks everyone!

Brandon said...


I'm so glad things went well for you. Hallelujah! Your parents sound really understanding. I can only hope MY parents will take it so well when I finally come out to them.

God bless ya, buddy.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jay, this is Bryan from Vox. Was feeling too lazy to log-in. I just wanted to add my congratulations and I'm very proud of you. I recently found this site, mayhaps it can help you and your parents as you go through this time. I don't know if you heard of it before, but it's a very helpful resource for Christian parents with gay children.

Joe said...

Jay, this is great news to read! See, you didn't have a heart attack after all

--Joe (infrequent commenter)

Robert said...

High-five, Jay. Congrats.

Steve said...

Hey, thats my birthday. ;-)

"They also think that everyone is somewhat bisexual (remember, they're hippies)"


Just came across your blog today, the evening started with some light ex-gay-watch reading and then, well, you know what happens with the Internet, links, blogs, and interesting articles... (it's been a couple of hours already).

Parents who reaffirm their love for you no matter who you are -
What more can you ask for?

Sitting in a similar predicament as you (Christian young man...SSA...) it is encouraging to know that I'm not alone...and heartening to know that He loves us matter what this convoluted world will try and say.

Thanks for sharing this intimate part of yourself with the general Internet population. ;-)

Jay said...

Thanks Brandon, Bryan, and Joe! Steve, it's nice to meet you. Thanks for the support, and I hope you visit again!

Woodrow said...


I've been reading your blog off and on for about a year now. This is my first comment. It sounds cheesy (sp?) to say it this way, but I rejoice with you. I'm glad your family reacted well. Whenever I'd read a post where you mentioned how nervous you were about telling them or that you may never tell them, I would always pray for God to prepare the situation. I know how frightening it must have been to tell them, and the relief that came with it. When I decided to come out to my family, it was the scariest thing I'd ever done! A few years later I threw my family for another loop and became Catholic. So for, my dad has reacted better to me being gay than he has to me being Catholic! God be with you.