Saturday, October 13, 2007

An Unremarkable Life

To begin, I really have to thank everyone who decided to respond to the last post. Your advice and prayers were very helpful, and I feel very blessed to be in contact with such a diverse, smart, and good group of people. Thank you. I don't know when I will come out to my folks. It might be a week from now, a month from now, or several years from now. Either way, I know that if I trust God things will turn out fine. He has blessed me with a great family, and I know that they will love me no matter what.

I also have to thank everyone who wished me luck on my first date. I went out with a Sophomore that I'll call "Hitch" because that rhymes with his real name (thanks to Amanda for the nickname idea!) He's a really sweet, down to earth guy, and it was great getting to know him a bit better. We got some coffee, walked around for a while, and then went to go see "Across the Universe," which was an amazing movie (as Eric from Two World Collision agrees). Really, it was less of a date for me and more of a chance to hang out with a new and interesting person. Hitch and I have a lot in common, and we talked a lot about our families, our favorite movies, music, books, and the guys on campus that we thought were cute. :)

Our personalities really did click, but I don't think he'll be anything more than a good friend. He might think differently, and as we see each other more we'll probably get into deeper topics where we can start talking about what we're looking for in our lives right now. I don't want to shoot him down quickly because I do value friendship with other gay men. At the same time, I don't want to lead him on into thinking that something might happen when I'm not interested.

I'm sure some people think it's dangerous to be dating when I've committed myself to celibacy. It certainly does give me more incentive to give up the struggle and (forgive the term) completely identify with being gay. After all, it is hard to turn down the prospect of being the boyfriend of a guy like Hitch (especially when he paid for my movie ticket--joke!) At the same time, last night made me really happy. I climbed the stairs to my apartment thanking God for letting me have such a great night (and also for keeping things very innocent. I had been worried to a certain extent. ;-)

I'm happy to be young and I want to enjoy dating like every other kid my age, especially when "dating" for me basically just consists of hanging out with somebody one-on-one instead of in a group. You know, I want my life to be normal right now, and I don't see anything wrong with it. Truth is, the prospect of a quiet, unremarkable life is starting to look very good to me. I know I've written about how I'm ambitious before, but I've also written about how I'm fine with the perpetually single life. As I think about it, I'm happiest when things are simple. I enjoy my alone time, and I really look forward to being a teacher, and being an uncle to my niece, and serving the Lord as the single man that I am and probably will be. A nice, quiet life isn't looking so bad. I may not have kids, and I may not get married. Either way, I'm determined to be happy. Some people may wonder how the single life can be anything but lonely, but I don't see it that way.

And if you're asking how me talking about my date somehow moved to this topic, you aren't alone. As you know, my blog posts tend to be a random selection of thoughts from my rapid-fire mind. But hey, you guys have stuck to me so far, so I must be doing something right. :) As always, thanks for reading.

FYI, the title of this post comes from the Patricia Neal movie of the same name. My mom rented it several years ago. I never watched the movie, but I loved the title. :)


Brian said...

I don't think that dating necessarily has to be a challenge to celibacy. I know that my mom waited for my dad. And even today people date without having sex. A good friend of mine Delfin and his soon-to-be-husband have done nothing more than innocent kisses.

I'm glad to hear you had fun on your date, it sounds like it was a lot of fun.

PS SO JEALOUS you go to see Across the Universe, I'm still trying to make that happen.

Norm! said...

Thanks for the update. It's great that your personalities match -- sometimes that's hard to find. It sounds like you're having fun.

kurt_t said...

OK, first of all, Jay, gay is gay and single is single and kids is kids. Feel free to choose from among those menu items in any combination that may seem appropriate to your own life. The guy who does my hair is gay and single and recently adopted a 13-year-old kid. Tony and I have a four-year-old. Go to a gay pride parade, you'll see all kinds of people with kids.

Sounds like there's some chemistry with Hitch despite your protests. Are you going to see him this weekend? What's his major anyway?

Jay said...

Thanks guys. It was a fun date, and yes, I am seeing him again. :)

For me, it's not that dating would be a challenge to celibacy. The problem is letting him know where I stand without sounding... well, crazy. Great though he is, I doubt he'll want to be in a non-sexual, serious relationship if there isn't a chance of eventual marriage (and sexual activity) at the end of the road. Then again, I could be wrong about that.

You are totally right, Kurt. I guess I was just raised in an environment (Bible Belt South) where single = no kids. I'm totally fine with adopting. The problem is finding enough money to support a child by myself on a teacher's salary. It is something I'm thinking about for the future, though.