Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Now Here's A Place To Start Talking...

Karen, once again, is asking the hard questions. The questions that probably every ex-gay ministry should ask at the outset (but so few do). I think my answers to this question are pretty well-known (check out my personal favorite post called "My Hope" for the answers), but if you're someone who struggles with SSA -- whether involved in Exodus or not -- it would be awesome if you could go over to Karen's blog and take a stab at the questions she's asking in "What If You Don't Change?"

Till then, cheers everyone. I'm extremely busy this week so I'll be moderating comments but I can't say that I'll be responding to everyone like I normally try to do.


Daemon said...

Wow...that's a tough one! I am going to have to go away and think about it for awhile in order to really examine my thoughts on this.

What if I don't change...?

This hits close to home man. I am not sure if I am ready to really tackle that, but it is certainly something I am dealing with in my life right now.

Sometimes it is awesome how someone can winnow through all the chaff, reach into you head and extract the exact question on your mind.

I'll be back...

Mike said...

I am 44 and have been through hours of counselling, support groups etc. I have come to the place where I must stop asking questions. All I can do is trust God day by day and focus on my relationship with Him. I don't judge those who embrace their sexuality and I don't judge those who were sure that I would change. Sure, I seem to get deeper into pain, but I have to trust that God is with me in my journey or I'm stuffed.

Daemon said...

I do not like the question "What if I don't change?" So I will look at it as "What to do when I don't change?"

This mysterious, elusive "change" that some speak of eludes me. I am not looking for change. I think this is an idea foisted upon me by some well-meaning people. The change I needed has already happened.

I am not speaking to the effect that I have transformed in some way from gay to straight, from homosexual to heterosexual.

I am speaking of the fact that I am a new creature, old things are passed away, behold all things are become new.

When I accepted Christ as my Savior, at that point in time, I was made spiritually alive and became a Son of God. That is the change I needed!

A friend of mine counseled me this week, that my spiritual life is much more than some idea of Sin Management. When I become fixated on any area of my life, my ministry to others and my relationship with God suffers. I am much more than a guy who likes guys, and my life must be defined by more than my desires and struggle with them.

Everyday I wake up a gay guy. But everyday I also wake up as a sinner saved by grace. I do not know how this whole issue of sexuality became so blown out of proportion by religious people.

No other idea or sin has been given so much controversy, attention and noise. I don't see conferences on gluttony, pride, selfishness, gossip, lying, fear, or covetousness. Why are we throwing so much time and money at this?

Sex sells...that is an immutable marketing fact. And in the guise of "concern" or "love" or "healing" I feel like I am being sold an idea that does not exist. God wanted me, just as I am.

Nothing in my life surprised Him. There was nothing to great for His love to overcome. Each of the labels attached to me from my actions and life were laid aside at the foot of the cross.

In my personal life I don't argue with my nature or problems. I release them. Some things exist. I can however choose my actions. I have to make choices each day to follow Christ's teachings as I understand them.

I am unmarried. I can't see God granting me the grace to life a promiscuous lifestyle and indulge myself, just for the simple fact that my desire emotionally, spiritually and physically is for guys. He told us all, don't screw around. Why would I get a free sex coupon that my straight brothers didn't?

It's about surrender. I chose God over guys. I'm not going to compromise on that. I refuse to throw time and money at a non-issue.

He never said it would be easy, in fact, He said it would be hard. Is living my life without some sex too much to ask? Seems like God had no problem using single people in the Bible?

So there...when I don't change, what am I going to do? Exactly what I am doing now. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter...fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.