Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Downsides Of Normalcy

Today was very cold and rainy, and that naturally put me in a reflective mood. Granted, I'm in a reflective mood 80-90% of the time anyway, but today was the first time in a long time I had sat down and taken time to take it all in. I stayed indoors, and my usual list of things to do was much more sparse than usual. One of the first things I thought about was how much I had changed since this time last year. Last year my free time was mostly spent bumming around the blogosphere, searching for articles concerning politics and sexuality that I could read, critique, and possibly blog about. I was constantly thinking, arguing, and commenting. My social life was active, but it mostly consisted of late-night partying and weekend clubbing. Unlike other social activities, the only thing those get in the way of is sleep. My class schedule was easy, and I breezed through most of my courses. It was a good year, but this year is very, very different. I think it's changed for the better in some ways, and for the worse in others.

From an outsider's perspective, my social life is less active than it was last year. In my view, however, it's better. What it lacks in content it more than makes up for in substance, if that makes sense. I simply got tired ot clubbing and bar-hopping last year, and looking back it really wasn't that good for me. I met a lot of interesting people and had some good memories which I wouldn't trade for anything, but overall I've grown out of that scene. Now my social life is "normal," just the way I wanted it. I meet people for coffee or dinner, play video games with my roommates, go to church every sunday, catch movies, work, go to Campus Crusade, and spend time with my boyfriend. When I'm not doing that stuff, I'm just working on the multitude of papers and applications for various classes, summer programs, and jobs.

Naturally, my blogging career has been put on hold. It's a shame, but I really don't watch the news anymore. Generally, I don't read up on what's going on in the big gay/ex-gay debate. Last week I found a website that drew my ire. Last year I would have spent two or three really long posts picking apart its flaws. This year I wrote a short post saying that it made me angry, and that was it. On the one hand, I'm glad that my life has settled down into a content normalcy. On the other hand, I miss the chances that I used to have to be bold and say or do something outrageous or controversial. So, I have normalcy... I just don't want it to turn into complacency. Does anyone else have this problem? This nice, quiet life is what I said I wanted all last year. I really do like it. I just want to keep its comfort while at the same time not letting it blind me to all the issues on which I could add my ideas. Have a blessed day, everyone!

7 comments:

Brian said...

I know what you mean about normalcy. Going to a secular college, I found it easy to get swept up in the "going out" scene, especially when I felt increasingly uncomfortable in Christian settings because of my orientation.

Thankfully, I have found peace in that and have forged my way back towards a close relationship with God. These days I do much of what you do: work, eat, hang with roommates, see the occasional movie or show. I prefer it to parties and bars.

Though at the same time, I am anything but complacent. I joined the Equality Ride this past spring and have been attempting to put my film degree to use by documenting some other Soulforce events since. Granted, that defies some people's definition of "normalcy"--myself included at times--but somehow I still feel pretty normal.

Now if only I was dating someone...

Brandon said...

Jay,

I'll agree, sometimes normal is good. There's times when I actually can't think of anything better.

God bless.

Silus Grok said...

A life worth living brims with the mundane. Sure, it may be punctuated with the occasional remarkable moment… but being a good Christian — and one who's plugged-into his community of faith, his family, and his neighborhood — seldom makes the headlines.

kurt_t said...

I wouldn't worry about it, Jay. I have a feeling the quiet won't last for long.

Jay said...

Brian: Haha, I guess you're right. I guess I'm not doing any "special" activities right now. This summer working at camp was just such a different experience for me that simply going through the motions at school has been a little unsatisfying. Oh well, I'm enjoying it for what it is. :)

Brandon and Silus: Good points, both of you. I like the quote "A life worth living brims with the mundane."

Kurt: We'll see... ;-)

Silus Grok said...

Feel free to quote me.

; )

Steve said...

Actually, I find myself feeling the opposite now....things are slow and its time I start speaking out and living "outrageously".

Life comes in phases ;-). You just have to wake up everyday and ask yourself if you are where you want to be, and more importantly, ask God if you are where He wants you to be.