Monday, May 25, 2009


Hello. It's been awhile since I wrote last, but things have been going well. I turned 21 recently, and though I didn't have a party (I'm not a party person), but several friends did take me to various restaurants, and even to a movie, so all in all it's been a good week. I even got to see my mom, aunt, and grandma, which was really cool.

One thing that I've been meaning to write for awhile is how friendships and relationships factor into my struggle with homosexuality. I know for many men who struggle, relationships with straight men seem to be the most helpful when it comes to dealing with emotional wounds and scars. I don't know about women who struggle that much, but I know men view deep friendships with other men as a necessity.

The reason for this is often because men who struggle with homosexuality perceive an inability within themselves to relate to people of the same sex in a non-sexual way. This is usually related to theories about causation, in which a childhood need for affirmation or understanding by same-sex role models and peers was not met. As I've said before, I don't fit that model.

However, just because I have never viewed my masculinity as "less than" other men (despite my rather feminine mannerisms), does not mean that there are not certain types of relationships that I view as somewhat of a necessity.

I have strong bonds with my father, brother, and male friends. Many times, bonds with straight male friends really help my struggle, but it's not because they affirm my masculinity. They are special because we are different. When a "macho," athletic, "man's man" can be good friends with a more "femme," artistic, same-sex attracted guy, I simply find that cool.

It's the diversity and open-mindedness in these friendships that I find to be a necessity. When someone from a completely different background and experience wants to set aside differences and look for common ground, that's what I find to be awesome. That's why I like to get to know people of different ages and backgrounds. If someone like me can be friends with a conservative Christian mom from California, anything is possible.

And that's partly what the Church is about, isn't it? It's made up of folks from every nation, every language, every age, every background, and yes, every degree of sexual brokenness. And yet, we are all bonded together by the One who saves, and we are supposed to bond in other ways, not just hang out with folks of our own demographic.

So those are the relationships that I see as a necessity: friendships that are diverse. Straight guys, straight women, old people, young people, etc. I want to build relationships with all of them. I know I'll have all eternity, but I might as well start now.

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