Saturday, January 17, 2009

Go Ahead, Ask

Well, this week sucked. Nothing bad happened. I just realized that I have a lot of work to do this semester and not enough energy (at this point) to do it all. In other words, I'm very, very tired. Like, almost as tired as I was during finals last semester, but this is only the first week! I'm sure I'll get used to it. It's just that reading four books at once, and then writing various papers about all of them, and then having to diffuse situations with my residents on an almost daily basis (I really hate having to hound people to turn in some simple paperwork that takes five minutes, but alas) really wears one down. I don't exactly have time just to enjoy myself, and I'm missing a bit of human contact. Actually, a lot of it comes online while I'm working on stuff. Thank goodness of Instant Messenger!

Of course it's not easy to keep God on my mind all the time, either, when school and work and all these other obligations that I've set myself up for (I'm too involved, if you can't tell) are racing through my head all day. I try to keep Him present, and I try to keep reading my Bible and writing in my journal, but in many ways I get so distracted by everything else I have to do that my "quiet time" is too fast-paced, shallow, and tainted by my constant worries about school and work.

And aside from that, I feel like I'm neglecting this blog. Obviously, the blog should not be too high on my priority list. It won't give me better grades or keep my boss happy, and its spiritual benefits are debatable. But it does often give me an "out" if I want to say something. The only problem is, recently, I don't have anything to say. Even when talking to friends, a lot of my concerns are about school and work, since my busyness has kept me out of my social loop (which is not too large to start with). And I'm sure you guys don't want to hear about me being busy, since this is, like, the fourth post in a row where I've mentioned that.

Another thing is that I feel that everything I've ever really wanted to say about my struggle with homosexuality, I've said. People know where I stand on things, or they can if they just take a dive through the archives. I'm a conservative Reformed Christian. I realized I liked guys when I was around 11. I consider myself masculine and have never had a problem with my sense of masculinity. I had a boyfriend once and it was a mixed experience which I don't intend to repeat. I don't see my my attractions as inherently sinful (lust is another matter, of course), and I try my best to be open about who I am and what I deal with (this is not a "hush, hush" topic for me). I don't buy into the typical theories of the "root causes" of homosexuality, nor do I care, and I also think that celibacy is the best option for men and women who deal with homosexuality, with hetero marriage as a possibility that should only be approached after considerable honesty and thought between the two people involved. My political notions, in general, are libertarian, and I think the government should get out of the business of religious marriage altogether and offer civil unions to people who desire them, for whatever reason.

There. Those are my thoughts on this in a nutshell, and like I said I've gone all through them before. So what else is there for me to talk about when it comes to the homo issue? I know that there are people who read this who are new, and so they've never really had a chance to interact with me as I talked through these things the first time, or maybe there are others out there who do know me but have an idea for a post. Just because I think I've said all that needs saying, there could very easily be something I'm missing, so I think I'll leave it to my readers (that means you guys, and you're a great bunch, might I add). If there's anything you'd like me to talk about, in terms of faith in general or the gay/Christian issue in particular, or just something random and funny (because I'm anticipating that Kurt True will leave a joke comment in response to this), just leave a comment and ask. I need ideas and I also do want something to take me out of my school/work/school/work model for a bit. :)

Other than that, things are going well. God bless, and hope to hear from you soon!

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