Weak

A few experiences in the past week have rocked my self-image. I won't go so far as to say they have rocked my faith, but I suppose when you are forced to re-examine yourself you are also forced to re-examine your relationship with God. That's a good thing, I think. I feel stronger now than I did a month or so ago, but I had to be weakened first.

I realized that I am not as strong as I thought I was. I am just as much a sinner as I was when I started down the road of Christ, and I am over-confident and proud when it comes to my temptations. I guess I don't have to tell you that some of my stumbles in question involve Hitch, but it's probably not in the way you'd think.

He may not be in Christ - I honestly don't know if he is - but he's stronger than me, and he cares about me enough to not let me compromise my beliefs, even though he doesn't understand them. He asks nothing of me other than to be his closest friend, and he supports me through it all. People may not understand our relationship, but I'm proud to call him my man.

That's about all I'm proud about though, and thank God for that! I've been humbled by my own depravity, and strengthened by the support of friends, fellow believers, Hitch, and most importantly, Christ. I'm quieter now, and more reflective. I'm at home and enjoying the company of my family. I'm reading more (finished some C.S. Lewis last night), and plan to write more as well, and I'm willing to move on. You can't feel sorry for too long about your weak moments. Eventually, humbled, you have to get up and keep walking.

I might post again before the year ends, but I'm at home and our connection is bad. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still here, I'm still fighting, and everything is going well despite how hard my flesh works to screw it up. Blessings!