Sunday, August 20, 2006

I'm Here!

Hey guys! My blog can now live up to its title, for as of yesterday, I am in college! Yep, I'm writing from inside my dorm room right now. You might be asking why I'm not at the beach instead. Well, it's raining. But hey, it's still college!

Okay, I'll hold down on the excitement until the end of the post. I thank you guys for all your prayers and thoughts over the past two days, because packing and moving in were completely stress free. It was amazing how simply it went, and how calm I was the entire time (I usually get anxious in unfamiliar situations -- and trust me, college is an unfamiliar situation.) Of course, it shouldn't have been amazing. I had asked the Lord to keep me calm, so he did.

My roommate is a cool guy. I don't know too much about him yet, but we got along well on the first night (and actually stayed up talking until about 1:00am.) He's a Methodist like me, and two people from his church are here at Wilmington, too. I've actually met a lot of Christians so far. Of course, that's not surprising. Most of the students here are from North Carolina, which is still considered part of the Bible belt. In fact, the R.A. and some other people on the hall headed to church this morning. I have to admire them for their commitment, but I think I've earned a chance to sleep in for once, so that's what I did (may God forgive me.)

So far I've gotten along with everybody. I mean, I've always been told I'm a friendly person -- which just means I can talk my head off in any given situation. I hope I haven't annoyed anyone, but so far everyone's being nice to everybody else, so that's good. There are definitely some typical college stereotypes, though: The computer nerd, the redneck, the prissy princess (there are about ten of those,) the foreign exchange student (he's English and right next door -- all the girls are crazy for him, and I can't blame them.)

And then there are Audrey and Alexandra. They're probably my best friends here right now, and I can see us staying friends for a good while. I guess you could say they're my "fag hags," haha. Yes, they know about my dilemma, and they're Christians too (Audrey's another Methodist and Alexandra is Catholic.) They seem to be really supportive, so much so that I told them about this blog (so if you're reading girls, hi!)

It's strange that I've already told two practical strangers when hardly anyone back home knows. It's not like I'm going around saying, "Hey, I like boys," but I do plan to be more open about it, especially to the Christian students. Am I being careless? I want to try and open a few minds, and maybe get some Christians to treat homosexuals with a little less callousness. I don't know: On the one hand, I don't want to have to pretend I like girls when I don't. On the other hand, I don't want to be known as the resident gay guy on the hall when I'm really not pursuing that lifestyle. It's a very atypical experience to be going through, but other than that I'm having a great time. I know I have the Lord's support and the support of some very cool people (yes, girls, I'm talking about you.) And of course I have you guys too, so don't be lazy when it comes to commenting!


Cheryl of the Wilds of C said...

Glad you arrived safely and are settling in!

Inheritor of Heaven said...

Just moved our daughter in yesterday. Now letting the fact that she is starting a new chapter in her life sink in. She is close enough where we will see her fairly often but it is still very different not having her around every day. Have a great start in your classes!

einy said...


Looking forward to reading about your adventures! Espescially interesting to read your SSA entries. It's a tough topic, and one that I'm coming to terms with myself at the moment. So please now that your thoughts are being appreciated.

Good luck with your ins and outs and everything else as well!


kurt_t said...

Well, Jay, practically speaking, why is it a problem to be known as "the gay guy" in your residence hall? Are you worried about harassment?

I mean, I can understand that you're not gay-identified, but I think to most people you meet on campus, if you explain to them your situation, to them you're going to be "the gay guy."

Kind of like to them I would be "the old guy." I'm not the old guy to me, but I think sometimes you just have to let people filter the world through their own preconceptions.

Jay said...

Kurt: You raise a good point. I suppose what I meant to say was that this situation is difficult to explain to people. It's just easier to say "I'm gay" than "I like boys but I'm committed to God so I hope that one day I like girls or maybe I'll just be celibate." I don't want to tell everyone my life story (though I am flattered that you readers enjoy hearing it :)

But you're right. Perceptions don't matter. Even if I did have the time to explain, in detail, my situation to everyone on the hall, some would just see me as gay. It's their right; I can't help it.

Anonymous said...

Well, Mr. Jay, I am extremely happy that you are all moved in and ready to pursue the college life. I'm sure you will enjoy ever miniute. I've had alot of questions about you as of late-I now know I have been telling the truth when I said you are doing fine. I'm really glad you have decided to let certain people know about yourself. You know you always have support at home as well.


greg622 said...

hi jay, i came by your blog through willful grace. i'm a friend of hers. i just wanted to say i admire you on your journey. i too struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction and did it alone all through my college years (35 now). thankfully you've met some people early on to share your experience with. i do encourage you to find a mentor to do that with even though "fag hags" :-)do help with lonlieness. however, you don't want to end up "just one of the girls". may God bless you in your journey into manhood.

em said...

Hey man - Well, you're for real... in college. I'm jealous -- stuck in corporate America! ;-)

I'm glad to know that you're settling in, meeting some cool folks, and getting things kicked off. So, how are classes going for you so far? Hope you are well!

Jay said...

Anonymous: Thanks for the support. You know it means a lot to me.

Em: Classes haven't started yet. They less than 45 minutes. Ugh.

Greg: Thanks for the concern and support. But is this really a journey into manhood? As far as I know, I've been a man this entire time. I understand you haven't met me, but I'm not a very stereotypical gay guy. Sure, I'm a little feminine, but Audrey and Alexandra had no idea I was gay. And I get along great with all the guys on the hall. Not trying to put you down or anything; I'm really thankful for your comments and I hope you post again.

Best wishes to all,

greg622 said...

sorry, jay, that's not what i meant. yes, you have been a man all along, that's what the penis connotates. and, yes, trust me, this is a journey. i'm not talking about outward appearances or stereotypes. i'm talking about your inner being - the KIND of man you are and are becoming. i wish you well!

Jay said...

Greg: In that case, thank you; I agree. May God bless your struggle too. Hope I wasn't too condescending in the first response (that's another bad habit I'm working on). I really regret that I commented that way. Sorry.

God bless,

Alexandria said...

So I'm at work and was running through your blog cause I'm bored and I came across this. I forgot that you called me a "fag hag". Thanks. Thanks a lot....hahahaa...just kidding. Hope that you're having an amazing break and sorry if this is a weird way to leave you a message!!!

God Bless,

Jay said...

I've seen weirder ;) Hope you're having a great break, too. :D