Thursday, August 10, 2006

Fool Me Once, Sham On You

Here's a funny little incident that happened the other day. My mom had gone uptown to run a few errands. I knew she had gone grocery shopping, so when I heard her pull into the garage I went out to help her bring the groceries in. When she popped the trunk of the car, my eyes widened in horror as I saw the white bags with the red bulls-eyes all over them. She had gone to Target. Without me. Oh, the humanity.

Now it's a running joke with my family and friends about how much of a Target fan I am. Wal-Mart can go kiss my grits for all I care: I am all about the See-Spot-Save. So the fact mom had left without telling me she was going there was absolutely shocking. I fumbled through my wallet to make sure that my $70.00 Target gift card was still intact. Of course I didn't think mom would steal it, but then again I hadn't thought she'd go to Target without me, either.

Turns out it wasn't so bad as I'd thought. Mom may not have taken me, but the majority of the stuff she had bought was for me. That's right. It was college stuff. And not the cool kind of stuff that I'd want to buy myself: I'm talking sheets, laundry baskets, mattress pads, that kind of thing. So I calmed down a little.

We unloaded the car and went inside the house. As we went through all the stuff she had bought, I came across a package labeled "Pillow Sham." The following conversation was rather funny, mostly because of the quick timing that is a signature of any conversations between me and my mom. So I'll write it (as best I can remember) in script form.

Me: What's this?
Mom: It's a pillow sham.
Me: What's a pillow sham?
Mom: It goes over your pillow.
Me: So it's the same thing as a pillow case? Why don't they just call it a pillow case, then?
Mom: Because it's not a pillow case. It's a pillow sham.
Me: But it covers a pillow... Like a pillow case. (I look at the package closer.) It's denim. Won't that be a little uncomfortable to sleep on?
Mom: But it matches your comforter.
Me: It didn't have to be denim to match my comforter. Blue would've been fine.
Mom: Well, you're not supposed to sleep on it anyway.
Me: But it's a pillow case...
Mom: Pillow sham.
Me: Whatever. Wait, what do you mean I'm not supposed to sleep on it?
Mom: It's for decorative purposes.
Me: You mean I'm supposed to take it off every time I go to bed?
Mom: That, or just use another pillow.
Me: Then why'd you get it?
Mom: Because... Well, it matched your comforter.
Me: (Long, thoughtful pause.) I'm going to college, you know, not trying out for the cover of "Better Homes And Gardens."
Mom: (Putting her hands on her hips and wearing her "I Know You Didn't" face.) Don't get smart with me, boy, or I'll make you work till this house looks like the cover of "Better Homes And Gardens!"

At which point I took the pillow sham and placed it neatly on my bed without another word. That's why I love my mom. We talked that night about what a funny conversation that was. She says it should go in my next book. Oh, if only she knew about this blog...

5 comments:

Cheryl of the Wilds of C said...

Oh, Jay! It's ALL about the pillow sham! At least she got you a denim one. That's really cool.

I love my pillows with the pillow sham. They are multi-purpose pillows. Great for reading, propping up the blown knee, elbow rest, movie watching comfort prop, and you will remember your Mom when you see it. Great thinking on the part of your Mom!

No shun of the sham!

I enjoyed reading that. Thanks Jay.

Inheritor of Heaven said...

I am with you on this one. Sham...case...really what's the difference. We have been shopping (at Target I might add) for stuff for my daughter who will be going to college this fall. I just looked up sham: 1. a thing it is not what it is purported to be and 2. short for pillow sham. I then looked up pillow sham: a decorative cover for a pillow when it is not in use. So, perhaps the sham is really a case but is trying really hard not to be used for what it is intended to be. I think I have too much time on my hands.

My daughter just asked for the book "How to Remain a Christian in College". I wonder what wisdom it might contain.
Have a great year at college and keep up the blogging.

Jay said...

Cheryl: Glad you enjoyed it. I often wonder if the things I find funny are funny to anybody else. :) But you're right, every time I see that sham I will think of Mom. She's a clever one, ain't she?

Interior: I haven't heard of that book, but I will definitely look it up. Good luck to your daughter!

grace said...

Hey...just be glad she's not trying to coordinate your bedding with that of your roommate! THAT would be a major NO NO for a guy! ;)

grace

Beast said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

quality!