Blessed

I am truly blessed. It's hard to realize how blessed you are when you're surrounded by so much noise in the form of television, movies, music, video games, et al. There's just so much complicated stuff going on that you can't sit back and realize what a wonderful gift the "small," essential things can be. When you put yourself near those that have less, though, it's easy to see how much you've been given.

This past weekend I worked at a homeless shelter, serving lunch to those who do not have the same things I do. It was a cold and icy morning outside, but I got to wake up warm in my bed, put on a nice big coat, and drive my heated car to the shelter. I also grabbed a granola bar for breakfast on my way out, forgetting that so many people would find that a precious luxury.

Honestly, these people have nowhere to go, and nothing about them really struck out as "homeless." According to the other workers there, when they are done with lunch many of them make their way to Wal-Mart or the mall (on a nice day, of course). That blew my mind. People I pass on the street might not have anywhere to go. They might not have food to eat. Not even a little granola bar as they walk out the door.

The experience was so humbling, I just have to go back. I have this burning desire to serve the needy now, to show the love of Christ, and even share the Gospel, which is the greatest blessing of all.

The Shy Performer

I realized the other day that "musician" is one of the words that I use to describe myself in my Blogger profile. However, I've never really clarified what I mean by "musician." At the time I wrote the profile, I was learning to play guitar, and I assumed that by the end of that year I would be fairly good. That, I'm afraid, was a poor assumption. I simply did not have the time to continue practicing guitar, and I did not have enough passion for the instrument to make time to learn it.

However, I still consider myself a "musician" in some ways. I come from a very musical family. My dad actually is a musician, and music of all types could always be heard in the atmosphere of my home. I'm always listening to something, singing something, or humming the tune to some very random, off-the-wall song. I don't know how well I can sing in comparison to other people (although I do know that I can carry a tune), but I know that I certainly like to sing, and that's enough for me.

Anyway, this love of singing helped me sign up for a karaoke competition that my college is doing. In a knock-off of "American Idol," the contest held auditions in each of the dorms and apartment complexes across campus. One contestant will be selected from each area, and later this month all the contestants will sing a song, karaoke-style, in front of over 1,000 people. There's a pretty nice prize for the winner, so I thought it couldn't hurt to try out.

I auditioned last night. There were only about seven people from my apartment complex signed up, so the competition wasn't too large, I suppose. I sang Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." Oddly enough, I wasn't nervous at all going in. I am rarely nervous, actually. However, as I was singing my heart started to flutter, and my voice cracked a little about halfway through the song. I finished the best I could, and left a little embarrassed. At least I had fun hanging out with the other contestants while I was waiting for my turn!

Anyway, I doubt I'll win my area. Some of the girls that were auditioning could really sing and took voice lessons. Either way, I'm surprised that the thought of winning, which means I'll have to perform in front of a huge crowd, doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I'd really like the opportunity to perform in front of a huge auditorium full of people. Isn't that strange for someone who, in a lot of ways, considers himself shy? Perhaps performing is different than normal social situations.

I'm certainly a quiet person in my day-to-day life. I'm involved in tons of stuff and try to talk to everyone, but I don't really say much of substance, if you know what I mean. I'm a bit plain, even though I'm involved. That's fine with me. It's my personality. It's just not exactly the kind of personality that one would expect from someone who likes the thought of being a performer. I mean, I'm applying to be on the next season of "Survivor," yet I consider myself quiet and plain.

Am I just a little delusional, or is it really possible to be shy, yet at the same time willing to show your bare essence -- whether it be through stage, music, writing, or television -- to groups of total strangers? It's weird. I guess I just have a tendency to wear lots of different personalities and hats, depending on the situations and company. Maybe I have a split personality. :)

Well, thanks for reading this random introspection. Hope you all have a great day!

Awkward Evangelism

The other day I was reading La Shawn Barber's blog and stumbled upon this piece about evangelism. I found it very interesting, and it raised a lot of questions about the emphasis that I put on evangelism in my Christian experience. Needless to say, I find straight-up evangelism a little awkward and difficult. So do most Christians my age, it seems. The Campus Crusade conference I attended was full of seminars on how to evangelize. They gave us tons of tips, tricks, and icebreakers to use, but in the end it all seemed too complicated for me. I've always felt that evangelism, like other aspects of Christianity, should be relatively simple when you get down to it.

But evangelism isn't simple, at least not for me. It's hard to share the Gospel with unbelievers, especially if they are friends. Some people will smile politely and tell you how flattered they are that you care about them, but then will say they think you're wrong. Others won't even be polite, but will get downright offended. Honestly, it's hard dealing with that kind of rejection. For a Christian, the Gospel is a part of you, and when someone rejects it, it's not hard to take it personally.

I think a lot of Christian kids look for "easy" ways to deliver the Gospel, in an attempt to share it truthfully but without people getting offended. I'm not sure there is such a method, though. Aside from that, they can get a little too caught up in wanting to see the fruits of their work immediately. Sure, it's great (and not too difficult) to say, "Christ died for us while we were yet sinners." A lot of people will believe that, actually, but will they take it to heart? Will they ask Him into their hearts? Will they be saved? Will they start going to church and getting involved? Will they start spreading the Gospel themselves?

Those kinds of questions can be difficult. I think if one thing has bothered me more than my own assurance, it's the assurance of people I know and love. Simply put, there are many people that I don't want to be missing from Heaven, and I can get too caught up with whether or not they are saved that I don't focus on my own salvation enough.

Later on in her post, Ms. Barber made this remark, which I liked: There is no such thing as failed evangelism. If we don’t “win the soul” of the person we’re sharing the Gospel with at a given moment, we have not failed. It’s God’s business who he saves.

This is very true, and I suppose I have to remember that just because I never see a person come to Christ, that doesn't mean they never will. Like I said, some Christians I know have a problem, in that they share the Gospel once and then then throw their hands up in the air if they don’t see immediate results. Sometimes, I suppose, our evangelism is just a small link in a chain of Christ’s calling, the full effects of which might not be felt in that person’s life until years later... After we've moved on.

I know I’ll probably always struggle with friends of mine who continue to be nonbelievers despite my evangelism. I hope and pray that they will one day come to Christ… That He will call them to Him. And I continue to share the Gospel with them at every appropriate opportunity. Perhaps I’ll never in this lifetime be assured of their salvation, but I can’t lie and say that there aren't people I care for deeply who I really want to see in Heaven!

New Year Reflections

Hey everyone! I know it's been forever since I wrote last. Blame the holidays and the less-than-speedy Internet connection. I really don't like my home computer, but at least I'm not wasting my time watching YouTube videos for the 10,000th time.

Thank you all for your prayers after the last post. They really helped. Like I said, the stumbles I was referring to were not all sexual. When God shines light on a just little sin, you end up noticing a lot more sin lying around, and this was my case. My overconfidence and my pride were much scarier, to me, than the lust I was dealing with, and through circumstances God showed me that I was focusing too much on lust and not enough on pride... And my failure to deal with pride was influencing my battle against lust. Funny how things kind of work that way, isn't it?

But enough about that for now. Christmas came and went, and to be honest I barely noticed. Time just flies by sometimes, and holidays always seem to be put on light-speed. I'm sad they are over, though. I'm at home for one more week and I have nothing to do... No chores, no friends to visit (they're already back at school), no more books to read, and no worthless PlayStation or high-speed Internet around to occupy my time. Hopefully I can spend some of this time working on my latest novel, but alas I do not feel particularly inspired at the moment. Oh well, I'm taking a Creative Writing class next semester. Maybe that will help.

I did bring in the New Year in a cool way, I think. I was at a Campus Crusade winter conference with a bunch of people from my school. It was a really interesting experience, and I was glad I went. The conference lasted for several days and there were a lot of cool speakers to listen to and seminars to attend. There were also various books to be bought, and I wish I had had enough money to by all of John Piper's stuff that was there.

(On a side note, Crusade seemed to endorse a lot of books by Reformed theologians. Most of the speakers were Reformed as well, and that gave me a chance to have a fun little "told you so" moment with all my friends who think my Calvinism is weird).

One of the best seminars I attended was one about homosexuality. To be honest, I was very apprehensive going in. I had expected to hear a lot of standard ex-gay ministry dogma and I wasn't exactly looking forward to that, but I wanted to be open minded, so I made sure to put a column in my notes called "Things I Liked" (right next to the one called "Things That Ticked Me Off").

You'll be pleased to know, however, that barely anything ticked me off. The speaker was a straight man that, in college, simply felt called to minister to homosexuals. That alone was impressive, because usually one gets the sense that the only people who care about ministering to gays are ex-gays themselves or James Dobson types that need ex-gays to help fuel their misguided public policy initiatives. Having someone who comes from a more "objective" background can really be helpful.

Although there were a few annoying references to developmental theory and the "gay identity" quagmire, the main point that the speaker tried to get across was how Christian students needed to understand the diversity that will exist in God's kingdom, and that diversity includes men and women who do not exactly fit into the heterosexual mold. He did not compromise on God's word, of course, for sexual purity is still very important. He did, however, drive home the point that the goal is not to make gay people straight, but to make sinners holy, and that celibacy is a completely valid and common outcome. Some people may say that "settling" for celibacy is bleak, but I think a little shot of realism is refreshing (not to mention essential to effective pastoral care). It's not easy, of course... But I've always found that fulfilling God's will is strangely filling.

I hope that I can continue to fulfill that will in the New Year. I look forward to getting back to school, seeing my friends, Hitch, and starting my new classes. I pray that all of you are blessed in 2008 as well. Adios!

P.S. This is my 100th post. Go me!